Crossroads
By Christian Vittorio Viñas
December 11, 2024
CHRISTIAN VITTORIO MORENO VIÑAS - National University-Manila - The National Publication (ALAB collection)
"Crossroads" by Christian Viñas
I’m at a crossroads right now. Taking the proverbial leap of faith is the rational thing to do, and by now, it’s the only choice I have. Not knowing where to go next is forgivable, but it seems foolish and foolhardy to stay, anyway. Considering not only the choice of roads ahead but also, importantly, looking back at the way I’ve come before may guide me. Yet, I’m still baffled as to where I should go.
I’m at a crossroads, and frankly, I’m not faring well in this situation.
We resist change. Subconsciously or not, we make changes every day, whether out of necessity or obligation. The simple course of walking down one street instead of another, the hesitance about where to eat—either at the cafeteria or outside—or the choice of going straight home versus hanging out with friends. These are subtle choices, but in the larger scheme of things, they are important, albeit often unnoticed.
I, for one, can attest that much has been said about change and changing. Whether from a political perspective, the bitter lessons love brings, or the melancholic raindrops that evoke clichés, change permeates life. There are calls for change toward a better nation, often at the expense of minimum-wage earners. There is change best kept hidden until the right time comes. Change has always made an impact, for better or for worse, but that discussion is beyond the scope of this piece.
Having been part of various media publications for a year now, I learned that a workplace is not necessarily the comfort of your home. It is often being in front of a laptop, editing articles, and conversing with clients on LRT platforms or in Uber cars. This shift required a change in habit—a denial of the ritualistic comforts I once performed before sitting down to write.
This change, however abrupt, I managed and embraced because I fared well under constructive criticism. That’s a lesson I’ve never doubted.
I’m stuck at a crossroads, pondering my next move. I’ve often considered myself a mixed bag—a slew of underlying emotions and unspoken promises. Changing into someone I’m not is part of why I’m stuck. Changing into someone I should have been is another reason.
As I write this piece, I’m reminded that change is universal. The author Richard Bach wrote in his novel, “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” This resonates with me, suggesting that some endings, though painful, are not inherently bad. Some endings are necessary for better beginnings.
Yet the essence of change is often lost in transition.
Change is the entity you must welcome every time it presents itself, not the enemy you forbid from entering. Change allows you to adapt to ambiguity—to embrace the “what will be.” Understanding change is a beautiful thing, provided one accepts its complexities.
Change should be met with eagerness, not intimidation. It is inevitable, like grief or the realization that happiness must end someday. Change out of necessity, not obligation. The very thing you resist might be the foundation upon which you grow.
Change is the coming year, filled with serendipitous moments and unpleasant surprises. It is a part of nature—a truth we’ve heard countless times. Just as nature finds a way, change finds its place in you. It is about acceptance, the abstract trust that some endings are wiser than prolonging an overdue stay. Change demands self-reflection—acknowledging what one has overcome and anticipating what is yet to come.
Change isn’t easy. But avoiding it doesn’t mean you’re stuck in the past or running away. The future’s premise may be daunting, and the changes you must make may not align perfectly. Yet roads diverge, and detours lead to discoveries. Along the way, realizing you’ve grown is a reward in itself. In transition, change remains the only constant, and I, a mere student, have made peace with it.
In retrospect, that may be my “roadblock”—an ending that begs to begin again. But I digress. The real enemy is me—for not embracing change and all its offerings, for fearing the interconnected roads, and for being afraid of where they might lead. By fearing failure before even starting, I have neglected a magnificent gift.
I may forget the lessons I’ve learned, as others before me have, but I must remind myself that change should be for the better.
In a day, a week, a month, or a year, I may face another crisis that compels me to take the proverbial leap. I may cross roads I’ve only seen from afar. Knowing that the stigma around change is lessened, I look forward to the journey.
I’ve tread lightly and fared gratefully on the road I chose almost two years ago. Many changes have occurred in my life—some good, many bad—each serving as a lesson that fueled this essay. For those who noticed, this essay is divided into three parts, reflecting the “road” I stood upon two years ago. At the time, I grappled with being a student, pursuing a career I loved, and battling depression that edged me toward suicide.
This piece is dedicated to those who didn’t make it, to unrequited loves, and to those who struggled in their academic, professional, and private lives. May you find comfort in the changes you encounter within the ever-changing landscape of life.
